John Baldoni's Blog

“I would like to invite you to a very practical and frequently unappreciated form of abstinence: that of refraining from words that offend and hurt our neighbor.”

These words are contained in a message from Pope Leo XIV about how to observe Lent, a Christian tradition marking 40 days before Easter. As a Catholic School kid, my friends and I marked the season by what we would give up – notably candy and maybe even a favorite television program. We were abstaining, that is, depriving ourselves of what we enjoyed.

Pope Leo inverts the concept of abstinence from deprivation into affirmation, namely, not speaking ill of one another. It is a more affirmative approach to marking the Lenten season. Doing so reminds me of Abraham Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address when hoped to avoid war by acting on “better angels of our nature.”

A century and a half later, American-born Pope Leo says, “Let us begin by disarming our language, avoiding harsh words and rash judgement, refraining from slander and speaking ill of those who are not present and cannot defend themselves. Instead, let us strive to measure our words and cultivate kindness and respect in our families, among our friends, at work, on social media, in political debates, in the media and in Christian communities.”

Fasting may help focus.

Pope Leo does advocate fasting as a Lenten practice. Fasting is a tradition in the Abrahamic faiths and in other faith traditions. Depriving oneself of food can focus the mind on what is essential and what is spiritual. And it is the nod toward the spiritual that opens us to the possibilities of what it means to be more human, that is, more open to listening to others. [The title of his Lenten message is “Listening and Fasting: Lent as a Time of Conversion.”]

By focusing less on what we give up, the Pope is advising us to give more. Sharing with others goodness rather than bitterness. As our public discourse becomes more rancorous, we can become more generous. Very easy to say but hard to practice when we are constantly poked and prodded by messages rooted in difference and distraction rather than togetherness and attention.

Be positive

Johnny Mercer put similar thoughts into song with composer Howard Arlen, called “Accentuate the Positive.”

Gather ’round me, everybody/ Gather ’round me while I preach some

Feel a sermon coming on here…

You gotta ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive/ E-lim-i-nate the negative

And latch on to the affirmative/ Don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.

You got to spread joy up to the maximum/ Bring gloom down to the minimum.

If we can heed the good words of Johnny Mercer and Pope Leo during Lent, then maybe we might extend the practice for the entire year, without, of course, having to give up candy.

Much of the management and leadership literature focuses on how leaders can draw on their best selves to lead their teams and organizations. We authors want to provide the positive attributes as they apply to communication, motivation, inspiration and management itself. Doing so gives readers insights into taking positive steps.

One exception to this category is Barbara Kellerman of Harvard Kennedy School. Her work on leadership, notably Bad Leadership and her newest, Leadership from Bad to Worse, casts a sharp light on the malignancy that occurs when leaders allow their dark sides to dominate.

 I can add another author to this list: Theophrastus, a philosopher who lived in the 4th Century B.C. A prolific author of poetry, plays, and philosophy, his book Characters illuminates the factors that plague not only leaders but the whole human race. He writes of foibles and behaviors that get us into trouble, if we do not exercise “better angels” as Lincoln counseled.

 Behaviors to avoid

Let’s focus on a handful of the 28 character flaws Theophrastus explores.

Dissimulation is “the artful disguise of words and actions, which proceeds from a bad intention.” Deceit lies at the heart of dissimulation. Such behavior erodes trust, the foundation of good relations with others.

Flattery is the practice of using “words and actions… to catch men by their weak side, and so to ingratiate himself into their favor.” Today, we call such behavior “sucking up,” and when we see it in action, particularly at work, we find it obnoxious, especially if the flatterer seems to have the boss’s ear.

Clownishness is “a want of knowledge in good breeding and common decency.” Bad manners, putting self before others, and ignoring courtesies put one at odds with others.

Nastiness is “such a neglect of a man’s person as makes him offensive to others.” Such behavior makes it challenging to work with or even be in the company of such nasties.

Pride is “a contempt of everybody besides oneself self.” We all know pride to be self-destructive, but all too often, the proud person is also consumed by hubris and cannot see past his own ego.

Cowardice is “a dejection of mind, proceeds from a fear of danger.” Cowardice is the absence of bravery. While it is easy to denigrate those we deem cowardly, introspection reveals that we may all suffer from these traits, especially when the stakes are high.

 Behaviors to emulate

Most of us (speaking for a friend, of course) can find traces of many of the negative behaviors mentioned above within ourselves. Acknowledging such deficits is how we begin to overcome them.

 Our Founding Fathers, notably the young George Washington, were attentive to both good and bad behavior. As a young man, Washington hand-wrote the 110 Rules of Civility formulated by the 17th-century Jesuits. In this spirit, here are five questions to ask yourself about your behavior.

 How much energy do I expend in proving my point rather than listening to others?

How well do I regard colleagues with whom I disagree?

Why do I like to think of myself as being better than everyone else?

How well did I pay attention to what my spouse told me this morning?

What can I do better tomorrow and the next day to bring out my better self?

 Knowing yourself is essential to leading yourself. Such self-knowledge focuses the mind on the behaviors we need to become the best version of ourselves. Accurate self-awareness is cognizant of our shortcomings and the means we need to employ to keep ourselves on the right path.

 Note: I want to acknowledge an essay by Joseph Epstein in the Wall Street Journal that brought Theophrastus to my attention.

First posted on Smartbrief on 1.07.2026F

[Setting: College commencement as the featured speaker takes the stage.]

Thank you one and all. May I make one point of order?

This is not a commencement address. It’s a conclusion address. You all are leaving here. And will commence with the remainder of what we all hope will be a long and fulfilling live.

So celebrate this moment. You have earned it!

Tradition calls for thanking your parents but looking out at the crowd, I see some folks in caps and gowns, which are way past living at home. You pursued your dream of gaining a degree when many of your peers in high school got theirs a decade or decades ago. I salute your determination and diligence.

This is not a commencement address. It’s a conclusion address. You all are leaving here. I hope you will commence the remainder of your life – a long one, but you are concluding one of the most significant parts of your short life.

Second, few of you will remember anything said to you today by anyone on stage – the president, the dean and least of all me.

Third, celebrate this moment. Tradition calls for thanking your parents but looking out at the crowd, I see some folks in caps and gowns, which are way past living at home. You pursued your dream of gaining a degree when many of your peers in high school got theirs a decade or decades ago. I salute your determination and diligence.

It’s All About You

Now let’s cut to the chase… the purpose of this speech.

It is where people like me share their stories and insights into the secret of a good and useful life in the hope that you, too, will live a good and useful life.

The fact that you are here today is an indication that you have been helpful. You earned your degree, did your coursework, and put up with requirements you thought were ridiculous, but now that you have met them, you think they are not so bad. 

Some of you will enter the workforce right away. Others of you will enter graduate school – where requirements may seem even more ridiculous. You will persevere.

Three Lessons

And that’s the first lesson I want to share—perseverance. Stick to it. Without determination and drive, you will accomplish very little—unless, of course, you were born to wealth or win the lottery.

The second lesson is discover the “good life.” Robert Waldinger and Mark Shultz, directors of the Harvard Study on Adult Development, authored a book with the very same title —  The Good Life. This book based on upon the longest running study of happiness in worldexplores what makes a happy life. Drs. Waldinger and Schultz conclude that the secret to having a life with meaning and joy is relationships – good relationships with people who matter most to you.

Relationships are built upon connection through birth or proximity—school, work, or neighborhood. Personal connection—as those who majored or minored in psychology know—is essential to human growth, what we like to call now “flourishing.” When you are with people who add meaning, purpose and joy to you, you will find true wealth.

Relationships are not a one-way street. They require commitment, being there when needed and giving to and giving back when the need arises. Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it.

My third and final lesson for today is to show grace. Grace is the catalyst for doing good. Be grateful for what you have and more grateful to those who have helped you. Act with kindness toward others, including those you don’t particularly like. Avoid pettiness. It only drags you down. Remember, you are not in middle school anymore. You are an adult.

Be Kind to Yourself

Show grace to yourself. Give yourself a break. You will make mistakes; many of you are like me. Pick yourself up. Learn from what you did wrong and work to correct it. But never, ever lose faith in yourself. That’s where grace comes in. Grace is a gift without strings, but when you are in a jam, pull all the strings you can.

And one more thing. Remember the magic words you learned in kindergarten. When you ask for something, say, “Please!” When you receive it, say, “Thank you!” Now commence and live your life powered by perseverance, blessed by grace, and laden with joy.

First posted on Forbes.com 5.15.2024

After Pablo Picasso received word that Nazi dive bombers, flying on behalf of Franco’s Nationalist forces, had destroyed a city in the Basque country of his native Spain, he was inspired to memorialize the devastation. 

The result, a huge mural on canvas, would become a commemoration of the horror of modern warfare.  

He called his work, “Guernica.”

Today we see the equivalent of Guernica live on round the clock news.

Images of roads pitted with craters.

Bridges ripped in half.

Buildings crumbling in two.

And everywhere people scurrying.

The lucky ones, that is.

Too often we see the detritus of missiles and bombs.

Not dropped errantly, but purposefully.

By forces possessed by hell-knows-what.

Bodies and scattered like broken dolls

Cluttering the streets and sidewalks

That only weeks ago were bustling with life.

Today they are spattered with blood.

And haunted now.

We see packed trains headed West to safety.

Crammed with old people. 

Who have known war and likely thought they would never see it again.

Young women, mothers mostly, holding a child or two,

Shepherding others.

Weighted by what they could carry in a suitcase.

Or maybe a shopping bag.

Interviews with refugees.

Now sheltered across the borders.

In Poland they are greeted with 

Water, food, and toiletries.

Poles, whose people have known centuries of war,

Take the newest refugees to their hearts.

And into their homes.

The men remain home. 

To fight.

Rallying to the cry of Glory to Ukraine.

Outmanned. Outgunned. 

Not outfought. Or outbraved.

The image that sticks is the video of a young boy.

Maybe six years old. Walking alone. 

Crying, crying, crying.

Overcome by the moment. 

Sent ahead into a foreign country.

He is walking to safety. 

A word meaningless to him.

Alone and crying.

A metaphor for a nation savaged by war.

Walking, for the moment, alone.

Note: Reuters reported that the boy’s mother was in a group just behind the little boy so presumably the two were reunited.

First posted in March 2022

Whenever the early days of November roll around – especially on those days when the sun is still shining and the skies are bright blue – my thoughts run to the day the Edmund Fitzgerald headed out of Duluth bound for one last run of the season to Lake Erie.

It turned out to be the last voyage of “The Fitz” – as she was known – because she was hit by a ferocious storm that broke her in two and sent her to the bottom of Lake Superior with 29 sailors aboard.

Now, fifty years after the sinking, John U. Bacon has brought the story of the Fitz to life again with a compelling book, The Gales of November: The Untold Story of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

In Bacon’s retelling, we learn much about the ship and her last sailing, but more about the men who captained and crewed her. It’s a rich story that illustrates the human side of those who make their living plying the Great Lakes as well as those who love them. [Disclaimer: John U. Bacon is a friend.]

The sinking

David Schwab, a retired naval achitecture professor and oceanographer who researched weather on the fateful day of the sinking, said, “When the storm was at its worst, Edmund Fitzgerald got to the worst possible place, at the worst possible time.” That single line sums up the tragedy of the ship’s final passage across Lake Superior.

The weather was ferocious, with 100-mile-an-hour winds at times, churning up waves 30, 40, 50, and possibly 60 feet high that would rock and roll the ship, pitching her up and down and making forward progress treacherous.

Her captain, Ernest McSorley, was revered on the Great Lakes, a captain’s captain who knew how to handle a ship in rough weather. But as one man (who had once spent a summer on The Fitz) put it, “How ironic that at the very end of McSorley’s career, he gets the worst storm he’s ever seen.”

“We are holding our own,” were the last words McSorley radioed to the Arthur M. Anderson, a laker just behind the Fitz. And then she went silent. The Anderson did make safety but valiantly turned around – because there were no available Coast Guard ships – to search for survivors. The Andersons’ rescue attempt must be deemed heroic because they could have been lost as well, and, as Bacon points out, it is one thing to head straight into rough seas; it is another to try to turn about in pitching waves. But the Anderson did.

The aftermath

The Fitz was spotted on sonar within two weeks, and the following spring was located at over 500 feet of water, where its sailors remain entombed. Its bell was raised and today chimes on the anniversary of the ship’s sinking. [And fifty years after its sinking, no freighters have been lost on the Great Lakes. Yes, weather reports are far more accurate and timely, but as Bacon points out, the memory of the Fitz keeps captains and sailors more cautious and vigilant as fierce storms arise, as they do with greater frequency.]

The crew of the Fitz, the grandest laker of its era, was close-knit, looking out for one another on board the ship and sometimes off it. As Bacon notes, the crew’s families did not know one another, but over time they did, gathering once a year for memorials and other family milestones.

 One woman, “Aunt Ruth” Hudson, whose son was lost in the sinking, lobbied Canadian authorities to declare the wreck (which lies in Canadian waters) a gravesite, keeping those who would seek to profit from exploiting the wreck away from its resting place.

The Ballad

Gordon Lightfoot turned the tragedy into legend with his haunting song, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Its melody is based on an Irish dirge that Lightfoot had remembered from childhood. Lightfoot, a Canadian who had grown up on the Great Lakes and had even sailed competitively on Lake Superior, knew the dangers rough seas could generate. He researched news reports and worked hard on the lyrics. Lightfoot was unsure whether he wanted to record the song; it was so personal, and he did not want to appear disrespectful to the families of the lost sailors.

He did record it. Lightfoot’s lyrics dramatically underscore the drama of the ship’s final hours. Chilling, yes, and so reverential.

In closing, here’s a well-known verse of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down

Of the big lake they call ‘Gitche Gumee’.

Superior, they said, never gives up her dead

When the gales of November come early!

And now, thanks to Bacon’s research, we can amend the line “Superior never gives up her dead,” because the author has brought the story of the Fitz and its crew to life again.

First posted on Forbes.com 11.01.2025

Historian Rick Atkinson stated in a recent talk that Americans tend to view the American Revolution through a kind of rosy haze. InFate of the Day: The American War for Independence, Atkinson lays bare the myth, revealing instead the long, bloody war of lost treasure and immense suffering. 

In this second volume of his trilogy, Atkinson chronicles defeat after defeat that Colonial forces suffered at the hands of the British and their Hessian mercenaries. Saratoga, Brandywine, Philadelphia, Penobscot Bay, and Monmouth all contributed to the Americans’ losses. 

Fellow historian, the late David McCullough, gave a speech to the National Book Foundation in which he said, “Think how tough our predecessors were. Think what they had been through. There’s no one who hasn’t an ancestor who went through some form of hell.”

What Atkinson does so well is detail the hardships, notably the lack of shoes, as well as food and munitions for the troops. By citing contemporary sources, readers can gain firsthand experience of the difficulties that soldiers and civilians faced. The British, when angered, were vicious, burning and looting, and in the West (what is now parts of New York and Ohio), using Iroquois warriors to wreak havoc on the settlers.

What We Learn

What we gain is not only history but a masterful lesson in determination and perseverance told by a master storyteller. As a reporter for The Washington Post, Atkinson covered the Iraq War and wrote The Liberation Trilogy, an account of the American military’s involvement in Europe during World War II. This experience gives Atkinson a perspective of war that does not sugarcoat but captures the struggle that is war and how it defines our military and the nation it serves.

Lessons to be gained

Perseverance. You achieve little if you give up at the first sign of hardship. Had that been the case, Americans would still be speaking the King’s English and paying taxes to the Crown.

Purpose. You cannot build something new – or lasting – if the individuals building it do not cohere under the banner of a singular purpose – a cause greater than ourselves.

Courage. What you create relies upon those who build it as well as those who lead the builders. Leaders evolve to meet the moment. And in the American Revolution, we had a plethora of men – and women – who met the call to action, willing to put all that they owned on the line for the nascent cause.

Liberty. Freedom is not a given. While it is earned through sacrifice, it is given to all to adhere to the core values of the enterprise. Freedom for one does not exclude the liberty of those with whom we disagree. 

Making history real

“History shows us how to behave,” writes David McCullough. “History teaches, reinforces what we believe in, what we stand for, and what we ought to be willing stand up for. History is – or should be – the bedrock of patriotism, not the chest-pounding kind of patriotism but the real thing, love of country.”

Such words exemplify the sacrifice that our forefathers showed during the American Revolution and serve as a fitting tribute to the story of Rick Atkinson.

And there was more to come.

At the close of this book. Atkinson quotes Washington’s confidential letters to Congress – and to the French authorities supporting the American effort: “This is a decisive moment, one of the most – I will go further & say the most important America has ever seen.”

We, of course, know what came next, but what makes history come alive is its retelling when the participants – as McCullough often said – were experiencing it in real time.

 First posted on Forbes.com 11.15.2025

Like many in my Boomer generation, I was raised on stories of the Old West. It was good guys versus bad guys, and the good guys always prevailed. The stories reassured viewers, especially youngsters like me, that if you abided by a code of truth, integrity, and honor, you too could prevail like the men (yes, it was  mostly men)of yesteryear.

 As we grew older, we realized that what we were shown were myths, imagined stories that affirmed what it meant to be brave and true. Reality, however, in the form of war and civil unrest, pretty much destroyed this mythology, leaving in its wake grittier tales of the West, those that depicted the hero’s struggles but in a more authentic way.

 Lessons of the Old West

And so it is that author and culture consultant Adrian Gostick has chosen this form for his new book, Jack Slade: Song of the Butcher Bird. It is a story of hard luck and redemption as well as the power of family and friendship.

 “This story had been sitting inside me for years,” Adrian revealed in an email interview. “I love writing about leadership, but Jack Slade’s tale felt like one that could only be told through fiction. It’s leadership under fire, literally, and I wanted to explore resilience and redemption in a more immersive, character-driven way.”

 “The West in the 1860s was a tough place,” says Adrian. “Jack Slade [a real-life figure] was a fascinating man who lived a short but remarkable life. He organized rough men and unruly animals into efficient teams that could traverse the territories in wagons and stagecoaches. He was appointed division agent of the Overland, only to be shot and left for dead soon after by a corrupt station keeper.

“Jack survived, climbed out of his sickbed, and brought law and order to the wildest section of the Overland line. When sober, people said Jack was judicious and kind. When drunk, he could be a cruel bully. That contrast, to me, made him an unlikely but intriguing hero.”

 Leadership lessons

Adrian has co-authored with business partner Chester Elton a number of New York Times and Wall Street Journal best-selling leadership books. “Leadership isn’t about being perfect, it’s about how you act after you fail. Slade’s story reminds us that reputation isn’t always reality, and that the most powerful leaders are often the most troubled.”

 Writing the Jack Slade novel led Adrian to discover things about himself. “I had to wrestle with my own discomfort around imperfection. As someone who coaches leaders, I’m used to focusing on strengths. Writing about Jack forced me to dwell in his weaknesses, and in doing so, I had to examine some of my own. I won’t tell you what mine are, but we all have them. Strong leaders aren’t afraid to address them. I’m not sure Jack ever did.”

 The craft of writing

In addition to writing in his own name, Adrian has carved a niche in writing books for others. A key challenge many authors face is being original. To Adrian, originality is not what’s most important. “It’s about being honest with what you believe in and the perspective you can bring to the table. Jack Slade’s story is obviously not the only historical fiction about the American West, but it’s deeply personal and taught me a lot. I could have been intimidated by the great writers of the genre, but I decided to tell the story in my way. The power of writing in the specificity of how we do that.”

 What is most important for writers, says Adrian, is to “Write what you know. Write about truth. And write from your own experience. In this case, fiction became the most authentic way I could explore the complexity of leadership, teamwork, and redemption.”

 So much of what we know and learn about leadership is rooted in story. Jack Slade is a worthy addition to the hallowed canon of leadership literature that entertains, uplifts, and imparts lasting lessons.

First posted on SmartBrief.com 12.003.2025

When is enough enough?

Broadway producer Jeffrey Seller answered that question in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air. “One of our jobs,” said Seller, “is to really try to feel how the audience is going to stay with the show through every moment of the show. And there’s a moment where the audience, they can’t take any more.”

If we were to substitute organization for employees, we would uncover a key element of change management, or indeed management in general. Employees can only do so much – be it change or implement new priorities – before reaching a breaking point. 

Speaking of shows that go on too long, Seller asks, “Where are we redundant? Where are we in a situation where we can actually lose something?” In fact, if there is too much going on, then people lose focus, and while there may not be redundancy in tasks, there is redundancy in the process – how you do it. That can lead to burnout.

In the past, I have seen senior leaders who ladled out so many tasks that, in effect, nothing became important, and so whatever good intentions there were foundered on the rocks of inertia or, worse, irritation, dissatisfaction and poor performance.

Limit new initiatives

One executive I worked with years ago said that he would not ask his team to take on new assignments without first asking them to “de-clutter.” That is, stop doing something in order to make way for the new. Often, what employees stopped doing was redundant work. These things once had a purpose but no longer were necessary due to the implementation of new technologies, new processes, and new teammates.

Nurture with feedback

Seller, who produced the mega-hits Rent and Hamilton, made another key point in his Fresh Air interview that is relevant to getting employees to respond to feedback. Always begin with an affirmative when giving a critique. If you value the employee as a contributor, you want them to remain productive members of the team. If you open up the floodgates with what they are doing wrong, they shut down. 

Red Berenson, the legendary hockey coach at the University of Michigan, told me that he spoke differently to players depending on their tenure with the program. 

When they were freshmen, he would speak softly. By contrast, if they were upperclassmen unless Red raised his voice – something rare for him — they might not listen. And Red added that he has encountered players “who needed to be stroked and told how good they are and how good they can be.” Knowing how to reach each player individually nurtures a connection between coach and player and over time contributes positively to team performance.

Final thought

Always remember, as a leader, you are working with human beings. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that when you pushing for priorities that will drive output and strengthen the bottom line. No matter how important you think your initiative is, nothing gets done unless you have buy-in from others. Treating employees with dignity and respect may sound platitudinous, but it really works.

Note: Jeffrey Seller is the author of a new book, Theater Kid: A Broadway Memoir.

First posted on Forbes.com 8.19.2025

In her memoir, The Empathy Diaries, Sherry Turkle writes about her third-grade teacher thought that all children should be taught Shakespeare, and when the students encountered a reference to sex, the teacher would say, “‘You’ll understand later; you don’t need to understand all of Shakespeare now.'” Turkle comments, “When I consider it, I think that permission not to understand was its greatest gift.” It was a lesson she carried into graduate school, and since Turkle is now a professor of social studies and a licensed clinical psychologist, it was a lesson that had great merit. And perhaps to the rest of us.

So often, we encounter new ideas when engaged in wrestling with new activities and projects. We feel overwhelmed and may be tempted to abandon this new venture. Yet, it may be wise to take a step back and reflect that what we do not know immediately—and certainly cannot master—may become accessible in time.

All in good time

Anyone learning a new skill—be it for professional development or personal enrichment—needs to understand that mastery is elusive and requires diligence. We know this, of course, but too often, we entwine our ego in our quest to learn, shortening ourselves to the experience of genuinely learning. Turkle’s third-grade teacher’s lasting lesson is all in good time.

Akin to this notion is learning to go with the flow. So often, you need to jump into the project in midstream, not at the beginning. And so you may drift for a bit, moving with the current but not precisely sure of the direction you are headed in. So, to avoid being washed away, you look for familiarity—something recognizable that you can apply to where you are at any given moment.

For example, in music, learning to play in an ensemble requires reading music and counting the beats. You can get away with playing things your way if you are a soloist. Not so playing with others. You must join in, keep time, and hit the right notes; otherwise, your misplaying stops the music. The resultant looks – even smirks from fellow musicians – remind you that you must slip into the flow or get swept away.

Learning to trust yourself

But at the moment, the fear of not fitting in—of not doing your job—can be paralytic if you let it. The challenge is to remind yourself of your skills and apply them best. Mastery will not come overnight, but going with the flow can. Trust yourself.

Remembering your initial limitations when learning can help you educate those you manage more adeptly. Seeing them struggle, perhaps not with the same issues you did, but struggle nonetheless, should spark empathy. You can feel their pain and help them regain a sense of equilibrium by exerting some compassion.

Reassure them that their difficulties are part of the learning process. This approach is especially helpful for new employees whose sense of flow is oppositional – they feel that they are gulping from a firehose.

There is no single learning methodology. It is up to individuals—with the guidance of others—to point the way.

First posted on Forbes.com 6.07.2025

“Treat the team and the staff with respect.”

That’s the number one rule that Mike Vrabel, newly installed head coach of the New England Patriots, has established. Vrabel, a former Patriot and head coach of the Tennessee Titans, understands that respect is essential to creating a culture of belonging.

“The training staff, the equipment staff, the kitchen staff. … They are here to help you do your job,” Vrabel said. “They aren’t here to be your valet, to be your housekeeper, to be your maid, to be your butler. We’re going to treat these people with the utmost respect.”

Vrabel, according to reporting by Nick O’Malley of MassLive.com, will tolerate a degree of push-back from players –even angry words – directed at himself. As a former player, Vrabel understands that aspect of coaching goes with the job. Criticizing a superior is one thing; mistreating a “subordinate” – when you, as a player, hold a position of privilege — is unacceptable.

Show respect

Vrabel’s approach to staff echoes what I have heard senior leaders talk about when discussing hiring job candidates. They may ask their administrative staff their opinions of how a candidate treated them. They also watch how a candidate interacts with wait staff at dinner. Condescension or rudeness toward those perceived to be “below” the status of the candidate are signs that the individual is self-aggrandizing and may not be a suitable team player.

The other aspect that Vrabel emphasizes is respect for the team. Creating buy-in for organizational goals is one way to create unity. Team cohesion is fundamental to success. When individuals feel they belong, they will do their best, sometimes going beyond the job description to help fellow employee do their jobs better. This effort can be a form of on-the-job teaching or longer-term peer-to-peer mentoring.

The same human emotions shape respect in the working world. It becomes the leader’s job to make everyone feel welcome, with the understanding that if you contribute, you will be recognized and rewarded. The dignity of work is an essential component of respect.

Demonstrate respect

Respect means treating colleagues as contributors. Listen to them as you would like to be listened to. Understand their fears, and you would like them to understand yours. Find joy in working together. 

Respect is rooted in truth. Speak with candor. Provide constructive feedback. Respect the intelligence of others. Address divisive issues head-on. Sugarcoating problems are a sign of disrespect. It means you think others lack the intelligence or the resilience to deal with challenging problems. Disrespect is corrosive. It gives rise to suspicion, a place where we second-guess others, thinking they are playing one-upmanship on us. Once a team sinks into that kind of paranoia, it cannot cohere. It pulls apart, giving rise to backbiting and even contempt.

When members of a team respect each other, they build a sense of community.

Respect is fundamental to community. People believe in the same cause and are willing to play their role to help everyone succeed.

First posted on Forbes.com 5.03.2025